christian based drug rehab

i needed thesepain pills in order to go to my work meetings,to my church meetings, to my family outings. big lie. but that's how it all starts. i was in an actualposition in the church where i led this congregationof spanish-speaking people in los angeles. and therein is thechallenge in this disease,

that you live these two lives. and since i can't findpharmaceuticals that day, i decided to use marijuana. my oldest daughterdrives by and sees me. "maybe she didn't see me. maybe she didn'trecognize me and i could get away with this,because that's what i do." she knew exactly. she confronts me and says,"dad, you need help."

she had to get somefreedom from the chaos and what addictionbrings in a home setting. and she did that. regardless of how much we lovepeople, regardless how much we think we love god, wesimply lie and cheat so that we can feel in that zone. over a period oftwo years, i began to use crack cocaine daily. i had lost my job.

the house that i had built withmy family was in foreclosure, and my family had left. my daughter, she mether future husband. they were married. they asked me not to come. and i was devastated. i was literally trying to numbmyself to deal with the fact that my wife andchildren had left me because of my addiction.

i simply found ways andmeans to get and to use more. so i used a womanwho was a prostitute. she traveled with me a lot. i definitely had an interestin where she could get dough. the police in mycommunity had watched me visit the differentplaces geographically, and they knew that i was a user. i remember the lightscoming on, and i remember almost a relief comingover me that "maybe, maybe

somehow, in a weirdway, maybe i'm done. maybe." they found what they camefor, and i was put in jail. i began to be liftedfrom this addiction. now, the challenge in recoverywith families that have been destroyed is, your family--sincethey were gone and i was divorced--doesn't get to comewith you through your recovery. they still connectwith you as an addict and with all thebad behavior that

comes from being in addiction. step 9 says, "make directamends wherever possible." and i knew that i neededto sit down and be there so thatanybody in my family, my former spouse or my children,could tell me what they really thought. for an hour at a time,week after week for months, we sat in that room andi heard about who i was. and the days were hard.

i wept. i looked at the wreckage. and i didn't know if all ofthis process, the prior six months of counseling andtrying to come back together and making amends,would actually work. my current spouse admonishedme to reach out to her again, that maybe this timewe would actually, maybe reunite as a family and startto see the healing actually take place.

and for the first time, i wasable to see the grandchildren and a daughterwho i had shunned, literally shunned, because ofmy disease and my behavior. in working this ninthstep of making amends, a new life has been given to mein that i understand now what god means when hesays he's merciful. [music playing]