christian alcohol rehab

by my house there'sthis road, and i remember thinking, if thisdepression didn't go away, if i really justwanted to off myself, i could hit thisbump in the road. there's a pull off to the rightside, and it would be over. my story starts in 2006. after running and gunning fora few years with my brother, using heroin, cocaine,i didn't like who i was or who i wasbecoming, but i didn't

think there was a way back. i remember my brother and iwere living in a basement. we were craving like crazy. you know, it had been probably48 hours since we had used, and it got to thepoint where i felt that i needed to use asmuch as i needed to breathe. one of our dealers told us thatyou could steal 509s, or 509s levi's, and trade to the mexicanmafia for heroin balloons. i was really scared,and i think i

was more scared for my brother'slife than i was for my own. battling addiction, youtypically don't do it alone. you're with a lot of friends,and after a period of time, you're going to lose a friendor two or three or four. my rock bottom was fear. one day we'd come home,and i didn't know really what was going on. we're sittingaround as a family. they said, "we want to talkabout this drug problem."

they went aroundand started talking about how they wanted usto stop, and i remember, you know, lying. what really touched me ismy littlest brother, jeremy. i could tell he didn't quiteunderstand what was going on. and he looked at me, he says,"i just want my brother back." and that was the beginningof a turning point for me. so i remember sittingthere in rehab, and i remember seeing theseguys who had some sobriety,

and they seemed to be happy. i wasn't happy inside. i had a lot of shame. i felt i wasn'tdeserving of god's love. and when they startedtalking about step 2, that my spiritual healthcould be restored, that was fascinating to me. i had to know, andparticularly, i had to know if icould be forgiven,

because i was convinced thatif i didn't get an answer, that there was really no hope. why be here? so that night asi got on my knees, i didn't even get a word out. i couldn't even get aword out, because i had an overwhelming--anoverwhelming sense of love. that feeling lasted for,it seemed like 10 minutes. i just sat there inawe, just feeling

this power, thisoverwhelming sense of peace that i'd never feltmy entire life. and that was thebeginning of my recovery. that's when i knew that, "ok. all right. he's there. he's there."