i thought i had a really normal life. lifewas good, i had a very nice corporate career. i had been an executive in the clothingbusiness. i was going to school. i thought my life was pretty manageable.my problem was, after everyone went home, i didn't stop. smoking pot,runningaround and doing the whole bar scene. i deserved to have these cocktails or pills. life before icame into recovery was an absolute nightmare.
my life was centered around getting, using. three to four bottles of wine everyday. i was hooked on prescriptionpills. alcohol controlled everything that i did. i had no life. when i knew i was in trouble and triedto get off, i just couldn't. it took precedence over everything in my life, mywife, my work, my child, my family, everyone. i was literally dying inside. iwas losing everything. i just felt like an empty shell of a person. ican't live like this anymore. i had lost everything, my home, mymarriage, my child. i was angry, upset and tortured.
my family started suffering because theirmommy wasn't present, the wife wasn't present. i was very desperate, i didn't know what to do. at the point of giving up. i just wantedto kill myself. i was actually in my car, in a garage, with it running. suicideattempt three different times. there was death or there was coming to get help. i needed help and i needed it now, or else i was gonna die. my sister found out that i was thereand
helped lead me to cirque lodge. when i was in the detox center, myroommate was coming up here to cirque lodge and he gave me a video presentation that told me about itand i watched that and i said, that's what i need. i started searching, i wanted something thatwas set in a majestic area, because i knew that nature would help me heal and i just started calling and the first second i called cirque, i knew it was the place. fortunately my wife through the internet
discovered the cirque. they talk about thespirit of the mountain here at cirque lodge and it's the most beautiful place youcan imagine. at any season of the year you can feel the presence here of healing and recovery. cirque lodge isnamed for the beautiful glacier carved cascade cirque, high in the wasatch range of the rockymountains. it's a natural glacial amphitheater. the latin word "amphi" means on bothsides. on one side of the cirque
is the lodge and on the other is the studio. the studio has a fabulous unobstructed view of majestic twelvethousand-foot mount timpanogos. the studio is a hundredthousand-square-foot facility. the sound stage itself is 17,000 square feet and it houses the mosteffective challenge ropes course in the world. it has an unparalleled multimedia lightand sound system available to enhance the therapeutic experience. through both locations, cirquelodge combines a traditional twelve-step
program with the finest cognitive andexperiential therapies. another definition of the word "cirque" is a ring, which represents aholistic approach balancing body, mind and spirit. a lot ofit is the nature, it's just feeling free and amazed that this is here in the united stateson our planet this incredible creation. it's a gift from god and i looked at itas this was the gift he gave me, to find myselfup here in the middle of nowhere,
on a mountain and just set myself free.it's just gorgeous. it's so gorgeous, it's breathtaking. it's like watching a movie and you said, man i wish i was there, that's what thisplace is like. i was sitting on the mountain one day, just thinking, you know this is probably the best time i've had in mylife and i've had nothing, so maybe i should trynothing. it's just so peaceful, it's like you're in another world, it's just so relaxing. the minute i walked in, i thought this is probably gonna be okay, this is gonna
be alright and the reason i think i felt that isbecause this beautiful, wonderful place that you're in, it's incredible. i've never seen any place likethat before myself. i felt special, you know, i mean it's just this beautiful,warm, loving, caring environment. to me it's just the mostbeautiful place in the world now, is the cirque lodge and the cirque lodgeblends perfectly into the mountains and the surrounding with its big cedar beams and the stoneand the glass
everywhere and its just an incredible,beautiful experience. both the lodge and the studio are private, safe and confidential. when you walk intothe studio, it's a warm and friendly environment. it's a beautiful place to be. there's oil paintings on the walls,comfortable couches everywhere, it really make me feel likeyou're at home. they have down comforters on all the beds. originally constructed as amotion picture and television production studio, it
is the perfect location to explore therewards of healing and recovery. well, when you'reup at the lodge in the fall, of course the leaves are just incredible changingcolor and you feel the power and the majestyof the mountain and all the beauty. when i come up here to meditate, what i'm usually doing is i'm reflecting on what i want out of life and in coming up here and looking at the mountains it gives you hope and you justwant more out of life, you just realize there's so much more in life. this worldhas so much to offer.
life's too short to not take advantageof it. if i were to have dreamt the way i would want to have a treatmentcenter and to have the capability to put ittogether it would be like cirque lodge. i havefound cirque lodge to be the home of the finest, loving wisdom about recovery that i have everseen. it is bar none the finest treatmentcenter of giving that patient everything theycan get and i believe it's one level of the aesthetics but ialso believe
that it's with the staff. by the timewe get to treatment our self-esteem is a very low ebb. we wantthis to be a great experience. i want this to be the greatestexperience of their lives. the cirque lodge staff conduct a battery of tests to gain information on how the diseaseof addiction has affected each person. this helps focus the staff in creating atreatment plan to meet the unique needs of each individual. we're treating each person as a very specific individual who the dynamicsvary person to person and i believe that our assessment,rigorous assessment process
honors the fact that we're dealing withindividuals. they are a staff that exceeds the patient and the family's expectations and that's what i look for as a referent.people are in a fight for their lives here at cirque lodge so we wanted to create a variety ofvenues to help them feel an internal shift. what we're asking these people to dois give up the strategy and the tool that they've been using, their drugof choice, and embrace
a whole new way of living. i learned alot from those horses. i learned how to ask for help and through that i finally started asking people such as my counselors and my friends what i could do what i needed and when i couldn't do something for my self, i would ask them to help me and that was very empowering. the cirque lodge equine experience helpsresidents learn to communicate better. when a person feels misunderstood, it iscommon to blame the other person, but when one interacts with a horse,one cannot blame the horse and the experience supportslearning about themselves
in a gentle therapeutic way. we believethat our equine experience here is really the preeminent equineexperience in the entire country. we have an indoor arena so we could doall kinds of work regardless of the weather. we are fully self-contained. the horsesactually stay here all the time, so the residents are involved with caring for them. we're trying to givethem a 360 degree program, where the really truly start tounderstand the horse, they feel and they touch him, he recognizes them and they work with him and all the while the
resident comes to understand that they are the leader, they're the one thathas to show the horse the way. along with the most effectiveprofessional counseling methodology, the real difference in cirque lodge isthe experiential therapy. these activities help the staff learnhow each person reacts in different circumstances and how toindividualize the entire program to best meet their needs. just getback up, there you go, just turn around. focus, focus, getcentered again. watch your focus point. when a personcomes to treatment,
they begin learning that there arealternative coping strategies that bring the kind of reduction insuffering that the use of addictive substances had brought, but without the negative consequences.this helps them to let go of the coping strategy that brings suffering and embrace life strategiesthat provide positive consequences. this is a process and not an event, and as people experiencethis process, they gain hope that they can find greaterbenefit in more healthy ways to deal
with life. scream!!! at cirque lodge they took us heli-hiking. the lodge has its own private helicopter that's been named the rainbow. it's smooth and safe and they took us to special places only accessible from the rainbow. that's one of the thingsthat sets cirque lodge apart from anywhere else. we went up over these spectacular mountains to beautiful natural settings. it helped me reconnect with my higher power. people have always come the mountains for spirituality.
it really helps the healing and recoveryprocess. i think that what you discover at the end of the rainbow is there for you to find. i just feel like i have a newlease. when i first got here and they gave me my hiking boots, i felt like i had my new set of walking shoes formy new life. i feel very happy, more times than i ever did when i was using. treatment has to be fun. it has to be enticing. if they see this is something that theycould foresee themselves doing for the rest of their lives,
they have a very good chance at doing it. we do that through not only the traditional cognitivepieces but with our experiential sessions, and so whether it's being on themountain, whether it's being on the ropes course, whether it's being in the horse arena,people need to see this is that they're getting their vibrance back.life's returning to them and the recreational tools that we have are such wonderful therapeutic tools. oneof the first things that happened after
i got here was family week, and it was one of themost intense experiences of my life. it's not uncommon if you ask a directquestion to a child like "how have you been impacted by your daddy's alcoholism?" they don't even know how to put words toit. if you ask them to survey a room of toys and small objects and ask them to pull something out that symbolizes daddy'salcoholism or their father and what's going on intheir family, they will pick something quite quickly and arrange itin the sand and then much more readily
be able to discuss it. i think cirque lodge bar none is the best of the best in making you feel accepted and invited. i mean from massagetherapy, to actually women getting their hairdone, sometimes there's nails needed. this can sound superficial, buthonestly in working with families, many have said i want my mother treated right. i want my sister treated right i thinkshe needs that for her own dignity. everyone seems tohave a lot of love even the admissions people down to thereceptionists, the chefs,
the directors, the whole program. theycared about me. they took care of me. the staff gives you the chance to believethat you're heading toward something, because most to them here have been through it. so you know they're a beacon, they're a beacon of something greater. i was finally able to accept the fact that i did have aproblem. these people i had never met in my life,opened their arms up to me and they loved me, they accepted me. i didn't know what that was like. i'm sograteful that i have the opportunity come to cirque lodge. something about the lodge
and something about the studio, somethingabout the staff. it's a magic. it's kind of a synergy that occurs between all theprograms here and the staff and the residents. i'veseen miracles here, i'm one of them, because i shouldn't be here for all practicalpurposes. the serenity of the mountains here for one thing itwas so peaceful. the residents have virtually created this oasis ofa garden that has all kinds of edible plants in it, but theexciting part about it is we can make things grow. to actuallyraise your own food,
it taste better and not only that, whenyou raise it, you eat it and so the residents areeating the food that's coming out of the garden. fruits and vegetables are a great alternative to some of the cravings that they've had from some of thesubstances that they've been abusing. there's a gift that comes from having gone to cirque and being around people that have navigated their way back. you just put one foot in front of the other and they'llshow you a way. there's no doubt in my mind.
i choose to be in recovery because i havemore fun. i never had as much fun as i do now. be at peace. come to terms with yourselfand the things in your life that taken you away from living. ipromise you, you will walk away a new person. we treat a number of celebrities and family members of celebrities andindividuals with notoriety. we've been able to do with discretionand with the utmost concern for maintaining their confidentiality and theirprivacy. it is a privilege to guide a family to be accepted at cirquelodge
and start a wonderful voyage ofgetting well and getting on with their life. ifthere's anything of a reward that i receive is a family calling me saying you foundus the right treatment center, they were terrific. ican still get together on the weekends and i can still have a really good timeand i can remember it and that is wonderful.
