addicted to rehab

this is a video that i have wanted to make for an extremely long amount of time, but i've just never really gotten to it. but why not now? i've talked about it in bits and pieces, but i've never made a whole video to it, but i am a recovering drug addict. the thing that normally follows a statement like that is, "what does that mean, to be a recovering addict?" or they're, "why are you calling yourself that?" i know my mom hates it when i call myself a recovering addict, but to not call myself that, to not identify as that, would be to deny an extremely part of my daily existence. when someone refers to themselves as a recovering addict or a recovering alcoholic, what they're saying is that at one point in time, they were in active addiction. they were using a substance either too much, or over a long period of time, or both in many cases. i, personally, was in active addiction for around 9-10 months of my life, and i've been in recovering for a little over 2 years now

which, is something that, when i say it, i'm incredibly proud of. addiction is a mental illness. it's a disease. it's something that affects the brain of the people from it. and it's incredibly debilitating in a lot of cases. and in some cases, it can take lives. it can be fatal. and like many mental illnesses, there are heavy stigmas attached to it because, for some reason, the brain is an organ that we don't really acknowledge when it gets sick overall in society. it's getting better, but overall, not so much with addiction, it's a little more tricky because you have the added stigma of the fact that there's personal responsibility involved and that some people got themselves into that condition. which is partially true, however, there are other factors. there are the circumstances of your birth. there's very heavy links to genetics. i, personally, genetic history on both my mom and my dad's side. so i was very predisposed, from birth, to addictive behavior and to addiction itself.

now, what i'm not saying here is that the addict is absolved of responsibility because they're sick, and because they're a drug addict. i'm not saying that at all. in fact, i made an entire video about how mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior because it's not an excuse. however, with addiction, it does explain the behavior in a way that is really sad when you think about it. i can only really speak from my personal experience, but i have talked to many other people and it is really similar in that way but addiction takes away pretty much everything that makes you a human being. it strips you of empathy, of compassion, and replaces it with just 1 desire with just 1 priority. and i'm pretty sure you can guess what priority is. it's using. and getting to the next use of whatever substance is your drug of choice at that time. while most people out there are worried about their jobs, their relationships, their grades, their future plans, their life in general the addict, often times, is worried about 1 thing and 1 thing only. and that is something that is incredibly debilitating.

because that 1 thing, for me at least, was something that i loved with all of my heart. but at the same time, also hated with every fiber of my being. but that was the only thing that i could think about, the only thing that i could plan for. the only thing that i wanted was that 1 thing. so you have that, right there, which already is a terrible thing to go through. but then you have the added social stigma. you have people labeling you a junkie or a screw up. you get cast out of various things, which often times is justified, but there is a severe lack of compassion for what these people are going through. again, personal responsibility is incredibly important, but you can discipline someone, you can provide consequences in a way that is compassionate and you can still love them because of that. that's 1 thing that i am incredibly fortunate to have had during my experience. was the fact that, even though i was messing up, and receiving consequences from everywhere, i was still loved the entire time. and that's something that helped me, and i'm sure it's helped many

people out there who have been successful. you can imagine that, for a person like me who bases almost his entire existence on emotions, and compassion, and empathy to be stripped of that, is to be stripped of everything that makes me me, to be honest. i felt a shell of who i was. and i didn't want to be that way. i didn't want to be laying around all day doing nothing not eating, not sleeping, just literally doing nothing with my life. i didn't want that at all. but i did that because that's all that mattered to me at that time. i don't want to make this video about me because i am so incredibly lucky. my period of use was relatively short. and i was able to get myself out before any severe and real damage was done. but even then, there's still damage. and there's still stuff that has to be dealt with. and still stuff that i'm dealing with every single day of my life. i do want to make this video for the millions of people out there suffering right now. people who don't have the resources i did.

people who don't have the compassion that i had. people who are thrown out, stepped on, treated like crap, called junkies, and disrespected at every turn. because these are people, who often times are either looking for a way out, or they're looking for an end to it all. and you can guess where that goes in many cases of people who can't find that way out. and that's something that is really sad to me, and it should be sad to you too. i can guarantee that most people watching this video have, in some way, shape, or form been touched by addiction. whether that's through themselves, through a family member, or somebody they know, a friend. because, like most mental illnesses, addiction is something that does not discriminate between race, religion, class, nation, culture, it doesn't discriminate. it affects every demographic of humanity that is out there. and while i can't offer you a solution to that problem, i can say that the best way often times you can help, is to just be there.

to be present, to lift out that hand and say, "if you want to take this hand, i will help you. and i will help drag you out of this." often times that's really all you can do. which is devastating, it's devstating, but it's really it. i've listed some resources in the description if you want to take a look at that for more information. also, my tumblr ask box is always open if you have questions. my tumblr is also linked in the description. you can ask me stuff. that's a good space, i've found, to talk about this kind of thing. but that's pretty much all i've gotta say on that. of course you can add more in the comments. but yeah, as always, i'm connor manning, you've just become a little more awesome, and i will see you guys on friday. fwah! jamz if you click on my face right now, you'll be taken to a video that, to be honest, i feel like we all need.

just click on it. click on it, and maybe smile a bit. because i need to smile. definitely. yeah. definitely wanted to make that video.