recovery from addiction

i had the house. i had the job. i had my education. i had a graduate degree. i was a division i athlete. but i couldn't find happiness. i had thrown awayeverything for drugs. i just knew that ineeded my pain to stop. and the only thing that icould think of at that moment

was that i needed to go home. and i didn't understandany other way to do it. the next morning,or the next day, or two days later--i'm notreally sure--i woke up, and i was really cold. i couldn't move,and it scared me. i lay there for probablyabout eight hours until i could get myfaculties and my strength back enough that i couldactually go down the mountain.

and i slept for,i think, two days. and my roommatefinally came up to me and she said, "i'mreally worried about you. what's going on?" and i just started crying, andi told her exactly what i did. and she took me immediatelyto an emergency room, and they put me in apsychiatric hospital. and i knew exactly wherei needed to go after. my brother has been sucha good role model for me

throughout my life. i could feel somethingdifferent in his home. i felt this love and the waythat his family communicated. i knew that's what i wanted. all the steps are in orderfor a very specific reason. i believe that step7 is exactly where it needs to be, is because afteryou confess all of your wrongs, all of a sudden, allthese little things start bubbling up.

those are thecharacter weaknesses. those are what driveus to do what we did. step 7 is where iasked heavenly father to remove my shortcomings. something very, very powerfuland spiritual and sacred happened. i felt my father inheaven's arms around me, and i felt his love. and i knew that everythingwas going to be ok.

it was made very clearto me at that moment that i had some work to do. it was not somethingthat was going to be something easy to overcome. everyone has problems. everyone has struggles. but some days itfeels impossible even with the program,even with the gospel. one of the sayingsthat i go back to

is "god gives histoughest battles to his strongest soldiers." i don't walk aroundhappy every day. i walk around with peace. whatever has happened inmy life, if i submitted to his plan and if i was trulyhonest about my weaknesses, i knew that everythingwas going to be ok.